WHYYYYY

Greetings,

Colleague A: Guess who old is him ( refering to me).
Friend of colleague B: Should be about our age (24-25)
Me: =.=
Colleague A: Much younger than us la, he's 1990.
Friends of Colleague B: Look so mature one!?

Am i supposed to be happy?

Updates

Greetings,

Well, i guess it's time for an update about myself. I'm supposed to be tutoring tonight but it was called off because i'm supposed to go for a gathering. That was canceled too though, then i felt like blogging. Okay, too much info i guess. o.O

SO, i guess most of the readers are aware that i'm actually teaching in my former school now..temporarily of course. Since my uni starts next year, so i thought getting a job and get busy would be better than being idle or grow mushrooms at home.

I'm more like a substitute for now since there's no permanent slot for me yet. Basically i went for sit-ins instead of teaching anything. I did teach when there's like a teacher who will be away for weeks instead of days. I'm currently known as GSTT, guru sandaran tidak terlatih. Yeap, quite glad actually because if i'm just a Guru Ganti, the pay would be much lesser. I'm free most of the time though, because i always got my job of the day at the very last minute, so couldnt possibly prepare anything for the students.

Apparently there's some kinda difference in status being a GSTT and a trained teach. And i'm not talking bout the salary here, it's the job. I've been busy during the raya break because we GSTTs hafta rush for some filings and typings. Did i mention that there's no OT for that? Oh well, since i got a pretty good pay, so i might as well not complain.( I know i just did, so shut up)

Besides working in school, i'm giving personal tutorings as well at very reasonable price of coz. Well... so far, i'm having 5 sessions every week, soon i'll have 7. Yeap, will be more busy next week. I hardly have any times for myself lately, yet i'm dying to hang out with frens ( CALL ME).

I'm jealous that almost everyone are now doing their degrees now, especially those who had gone to overseas for medic. I can't wait to start my medicine course in Monash ( i juz got the offer =))))) ). I'm jealous that most of my frens are studying medical related stuufs, dissecting animals and even cadavers. GOSH, i really want to get my hands on these ASAP. And i'm stuck here working in my former school. Waiting is tiring.

P.s- I'm here for u. You're my heaven, but i might be ur hell.
-(Denny Duquette, Greys Anatomy)

EMO post

Greetings,
I was never a person who gives up easily. I work hard most of the time to get what i desired.
Sometimes too hard.. that i actually started to forget the purpose of such hardworks. By the end of the day, when i'm actually satisifed with my achievements.. i'll start to look back and ponder, "is this what i wanted so badly in the 1st place?"

We reap what we sow, this fact would never change.. When we fail, we'll start to blame at others and even at ourselves. If only i tried harder.. If only he would listen.. If only things were easier.. These are all very common ways to make ourselves feel better. We'll start to imagine or picture the better results, try to forget what it's like to be in the reality. In the long run, we'll be too dependent on these hopes or ideals.. and eventually unable to grasp or understand ourselves..
By the time we realised it, we felt such immense depression, sadness, helpless to live in what we called the real world.

I like to have goals, it's what i used to define myself. I want to be a doctor, i want to get good results, i want to be good in sports, i want to be able to converse well in english, i want this, i want that... Unknowingly, these goals became pressures. It's totally unprecedented and by the time i realised it.. i felt shocked and at the same time relieved to gain such perspective.
I'm too dependent to these achievements, without these, i'll think i'm losing myself here. I'll lose my definition. That's why i dont give up easily, not to say i have a better mentality, i'm juz too scared to lose, or to fail. The supposingly good quality actually magnifies my personal character's weakness. I'll try to be optimistic, positive and hopeful even when i'm on the brink of failure. I'll convince others that there's still a chance and we grab on to that tiny and delicate hope and pray we'll get through this hardship.

What if we failed...

Negative feelings, anger, depression, lethargy emerge. Lack of motivation to make a difference , to react, to influence or to be proactive.. Sometimes.. i'm even scared to have hope about certain things.. knowing that i'll fall harder. And when this happens.. chain effect kicks in. Once i lose hope, i'll lose motivations, i wont work and when i fail, i can always make myself feel better by saying tat.. " hey, i didnt even try, why should i bother failing". Pffft.. I detest this and yet it happened..

I felt like giving up a lot of times... i'm juz too scared to do so sometimes.. because i'm daunted of the consequences. I'm scared that i didnt try hard enough in the first place.. i'm scared of being idle.. i'm scared of falling behind.. TOO MANY CONCERNS and i'm intimidated to just let go and leave it to faith.

I'm tired... i'm really exhausted.. so i guess it's time to let go now.

P.S Dont even try to speculate, i've made it so vague, it's basically impossible to guess. Dont try.
Just give up XP.

Cyber camping

Time now is almost 4a.m..

And i'm still camping at cyber cafe wif alvin and william lalalalala~

They ABANDONED me practically coz they're playing 1 on 1 now =(

Frens kononnya..

So i juz take my time blogging here and i;m sitting in the middle btwn them coz it's like u know la the peace maker.

so in the midst of foul-words battle btwn the 2 of them, i managed to think of sth to blog.. i think =.=



SO!

i went sunway pyramid agn to buy my suit~ =D phewit!

500 bucks for coat, shirt and tie =.="

MCH expensive T.T

It's the cheapest i could find, quality wise it's still okay la.

NOT gonna post the pic, >=) gotta keep it mysterious so u can go like woo woo..

*evil laugh*



Alvin juz fned his final paper today so they went sing k AGN.

I was busy looking for my prom thingy and couldn't afford to waste another cent on karaoke. I mean er... cant waste my time on that. XD

Today was rather boring *yawn*. That's why i'm camping at cybercafe as we speak. UGH=.="


Over and out!

I'M BACK

Greetings!

Phew, wat a day =.=" . I juz fned my A level exam today ( YEHHHH!) , though the paper was freaking hard but it didn't really affect my mood to enjoy my day though =).

COME ON LA, I SPENT THE LAST 6 MONTHS PREPARING FOR EXAMS, NOW U WANT ME TO GO EMO AFTER MY FINALS!?

*ehem*

So, i've been missing in action for like erm.. 1 month or more may be. PLUS... there's nothing much for me to blog anyway unless u wanna know wat i studied for that day, how many papers i did that day, or how many times i dozed off when i'm studying(i lost count). SO, i will tryyyyyyyy to update more frequently because my intake for med would be in FEB next year if i were to get into the uni.

Right.. we went Sunway for lunch after the test. Went nando's and had lunch for 2 HOURS. Supposed to be much faster if it aint because of mich who were playing wif the sauce around like a child. She was like mixing the garlic sauce wif the tomato sauce. then she added pepper salts and everything there's on the table. CAN SOME PPL LOCK HER UP IN A CAGE OR STH!?

Then... we went for karaoke. The girls wanted to go shopping at first, butt after some persistent persuasion, we went for karaoke in a group of 11. There's not much rooms available when we arrived so we ended up in a small room at first. But... in the end we switched to another room which is way larger than the previous one. Oh yea a funny thing happened b4 tat. Mich was complaining bout a faulty microphone and she asked me to complain.

So i went out and saw a girl in uniform at the counter. Our conversation:
Me: err... halo.?
Girl: Yes?
Me: Got faulty mic in our room?
Girl: *stares at me blankly*
Me: faulty mic
Girl: HA?
Me: na ge mic bu hao <<< mandarin ( The mic not good)
Girl: Ngo mm zhi lei gong gam mat..( I dunno wat u talking)
Me: The mic not good! ( =.=)
Girl : ooo.. which room?

NOW she understands... wtf.. i nd to work on my canton =.=''.

Back to the karaoke~ , we sang like crazy in the room. LOL
Eng song, chinese song, canton and even japanese (Wtf) .
We even sang numb, my ears almost got numb after hearing it =.=
Everyone sang their lungs out and were out of voice in the end.
Fabian was so into the songs , SO INTO IT! Emotional and Powerful Singing style!
THUMBS UP!
We even sang wifout the music although our session was over. LOL!

After the karaoke, we went shopping~ . I was looking for my prom clothes and thanks william for erm.. guiding me XD. He may hav strange taste but he can quiet good at giving advices though. Mostly becoz i said to him.. I DONT WANT ANYTHING FANCY.

Spotted some good suits >=) nyehehehe, but it's freaking expensive. T.T
I wished my parents were here to pay for me =(.

Then i went home, had dinner in Subang then went for basketball ! XD.
Then here i m blogging lalalalala. =P . Going midvalley tml =). Crystal's fetching! Whee~
No , i din force her to do it. No, i din ask her to go juz for her car. No, i did not bribe her wif ice-cream. *:):):):):):)*

My sis's going to Uk tml ='( . Gonna miss her badly. SIGH.

=)

Catching up wif u is the best thing i've done so far.. :)

GUILTY

Greeting,

This post is dedicated to one of my best buddies i've had.
We were mates since high schools and he's kinda like a big brother to me.
We were once in the same class in form 1.
His first impression to me that time was that he's very talkative and annoying.
Well, he studied foundation or known as peralihan in our school the year b4 that.
He's quite famous that time already =O, since the gals like to mix wif him and all that.
I forgot how he approached and talked to me though, but this conversation follows mark the very start of our deeply bonded friendship.

Me: Eh, which club is da best?
Liang; Join PBSM la, very nice club one~ marching, 1st aid, and got some leng luis also. =D
Me(eyes brightened up): REally ah!??
Chin Kang(from other class): Yea laa, join only, we can jaga you one!
Me: oo.. okay..

From that day onward, i'm involved in countless Red Crescent activities. We've been through a lot of things. Of coz we did quarrel with one another la :P, for instance for a crying gal. =X

*cough cough* Anyway, his name is Chiong Chung Liang! Here's the leng zai's pic! =D

Me, Kang, Liangz reading program booklet XP

We were going to receive awards that time. DAMN, i really miss all the moments we've been together. Not just the three of us, there are other frens and comrades as well! It's a big family and i'm positive i remember all of them one by one.

But then, i forgot his birthday which was 2 days ago. I remembered it yesterday and i was like "OMG!" how can i forget! how can i forget!

T.T I felt so guilty that i felt like hanging myself yesterday night. *Too bad i cant find a rope* XD

Therefore, i must say! I'M SORRY, LIANG! I shall treat you lunch if we had the chance to meet again!

Happy belated birthday dude! 20 years old d~ muz call u da ge d =P